Billy Ben's 
Pirate Play 

BY 

Rea Woodman, M. A. 

3545 PRICE 15 CENTS. 

4 B5 

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ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 
Franklin, Ohio. 



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Billy Ben's Pirate Play 

f\ Dress Rehearsal in Or)e fict. 



By H. REA WOODMAN. 



Eldridge Entertaihrnent House 

FRANKUN, -:- OHIO. 



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THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY. 

The Pirate King Willie Benson 

(Otherwise "Billy Ben.") 

The Cannibal King Tommy Tompkins 

The Missionary Albert fFerrell 

First Pirate Mollie Benson 

Second Pirate Ethel Tompkins 

First Cannibal Delia Benson 

Second Cannibal Cora Tompkins 

"The Audience" .-Miss Margaret Williams 



CI.D 31171 



BILLY BEN'S PIRATE PLAY. 

{The Sitting-room of the Benson Home, one 
Saturday afternoon. The furniture having been 
pushed to one side and carried out until a satis- 
factory stage space has been secured, Willie 
Benson, otherwise "Billy Ben," in a complete 
Indian suit, zvith a zvooden sivord and pistols, is 
explaining the arrangements to his aunt, Mar- 
garet IViUiams.) 

Willie. Now this much will be stage {indicating with 
the szi'ord), and this much will be audience, (another 
zvave of the szvord). Do you think that'll be all right? 

Miss W. (seating herself in the audience part of 
the room). Yes, that'll be fine. Are you going to have 
a curtain? 

Willie. The curtain will be there, but we can't put 
it up until the day of the play. You see in a pirate play 
there is n't much scenery; it is the acting that counts. 
In a love play it is different. 

Aliss JV. (meekly). I suppose that is true. Do you 
pay much attention to costumes in a pirate play? 

Willie, (largely, straightening his tipsy headgear). 
A good deal, but there is no change of costume. Pirates 
do not care much for clothes, and of course there are 
no. wimmen in the play. Well, I guess ever3^hing's 
ready. Shall we commence? (Miss Williams nods.) — 
Come on in, Tommy Tompkins ! — Tommy is the Can-, 
nibal King, you know. 

(Enter Tommy Tompkins, got up in zuhat he conceives 
to be an appropriate zvinter costume for a Cannibal 
King. He carries a tin shield and a baseball bat.) 

Tommy, (halting). Oh, I didn't know your aunt 
was here ! 

Miss JV. How do you do. Tommy. 

Willie, (taking Jiis "position" on the stage). She's 
going to be audience, you know, and see how we do it. 



Tommy, (to M'^7 W.). We don't know it very well 
yet. 

Miss W. Oh, you need n't be afraid" of me. 

Willie, (fixing his pistols securely in his belt). No, 
she don't know much about pirate plays; what she 
writes is love plays. I told her this was only the second 
dress rehearsal. Now we'll commence. Oh. (He turns 
to Miss M'^illiams.) The play starts with a terribul ship- 
wreck. 

Tommy, (repairing a rent in his shield). No, it's a 
sea fight. Your ship and another ship — 

Willie. Oh, of course there zvas a fight, but the fight 
is over, and my ship is sinking. I explained all that in 
my first speech. (To Tommy.) Get back there, and 
wait. 

Tommy. You're too far on the front of the stage. 

Willie. No, I aint. You go back there, and wait 
your turn. (Tommy retires, temporarily, into the hack- 
ground. IJUlie assumes an attitude expressive of grief 
and despair,K(frfd de^clatms) : My ship is sinking fast. 
Hark I hear the wild waves gurgling in her hold. My 
brave men are dead around me, killed in a turribul fight 
with a Spanish warship. We have met the enemy, and 
they are ours, but at what a cost, oh my countrymen ! 

Tommy. I think there ought to be some dead men 
there, don't you. Miss Williams? 

Willie. I don't. I appeal there to the imaginashun 
of the audience. 

Tommy. I don't think you ought to leave important 
things like that to the audience. How can they tell how 
many men have been killed? 

Willie. Well, I think so, and this is my play. Keep 
still, and let me go on with my speech, (retakes his 
"attitude"). My brave men are dead around me, killed 
in a turribul fight with a Spanish warship. We have 
met the enemy and they are ours, but at what a cost, 
oh my countrymen ! Ah, my brave fallen comrades, 
how often will I think of you when I roam the ocean 



o'er. You did not know the name of fear. Hark, what 
is that noise that confronts mine ears? (in a louder 
tone). Hark, what is that noise that confronts mine 
ears? (A dramatic pause .ensues. Then, angrily) — ]Mol- 
lie, are yon there? 

Voice from linthout. Yes. 

V/illie. Then wh}^ don't you Hsten? 

{Enter Mollic Benson, dressed as The First Pirate, 
and carrying a small bos tilled zvith sand. JVillie glares 
at her.) ' 

Mollie. The sand won't jiggle, somehow. 

Tommy, (comin.g fortvard). You've got the box 
too full. ' 

Willie, (examining the bo.v). It worked all right 
last time. 

Tommy. There's too much sand in the box. (He 
removes a feiv handfuls, depositing it on the table.) 
Now I'll bet she'll work. 

Miss W. What's it for? 

Willie. It's to make thunder with, and the sound of 
waves. Listen! (He shakes the box.) 

Mollie. I don't think it makes very good thunder. 

Jill lie. It makes perfectly good thunder, if you work 
it right, (to Mollie). Now, stand back there, and when 
I come to "Hark, what is that sound that confronts 
mine ears," you shake it. {Mollie steps to one side. 
7'ommy retires into the background, and JVillie "takes 
the stage.") 

Willie. My ship is sinking fast. Hark, I hear the 
wild waves gurgling in her hold. (Mollie shakes the 
thunder box. He pauses, and looks at her sternly.) I 
did n't tell you to make thunder there ! Now look how 
you've spoiled my speech ! 

Mollie. (on the verge of rebellion). Yesterday I 
shook it when you came to "wild waves gurgling in her 
hold." It's for waves and thunder both, you said. 

Tommy, (taking the thunder box and shaking it). 

5 



It's no good. We ought to have tin thunder. I said so 
all along. 

Willie, {thoughtfully cheiving the end of his zvooden 
sword). We can't. Papa won't let us. He cut his foot 
on some tin once, and he's scared of it. 

Miss IV. Well, don't have any thunder. 

JVillic. ifroivning with masculine impatience). We 
got to have thunder. Who ever heard of a pirate play 
without thunder? I tell you what. Shake it softer for 
the waves, and louder for the thunder. Now, let's com- 
mence again. Get back there. Tommy. {He takes his 
position, having again secured the slipping pistols in his 
belt.) My ship is sinking fast. Hark, I hear the wild 
waves gurgling in her hold. {MoUie shakes the box 
vigorously, but hastily reduces the volume upon JVillie's 
fir gent gesture.) My brave men are dead around me, 
killed in a turribul fight with a Spanish warship. We 
have met the enemy, and they are ours, but at what a 
cost, oh my countrymen ! Ah, my brave fallen comrades, 
how often will I think of you when I roam the ocean 
o'er! You did not know the name of fear. Hark, what 
is that noise that confronts mine ears? {MolUe shakes 
the sand with vigor.) Is it thunder? (Mollie shakes 
the sand zvith more vigor.) Yes, it is thunder. And 
hark, hark! (gestures urgently to Mollie) Hark, the 
waves are rushing over the decks! (totters) All is black- 
ness and despair! We are lost! We are lost! (then 
dropping into an ordinary tone). That's an all right 
water sound, aint it, Aunt Maggie? 

Miss W. Yes, it's pretty good, but if ]\Iollie were 
not so close it would sound better. 

Willie. She will be behind the scenes during the play, 
of course. — Now, Tommy, come on. 

Tommy, (preparing to "take the stage"). You say 
that last part again. 

Mollie. Is there any more thunder in the first act? 

Willie. Yes, you stay right there. (MoUie seats her- 
self on some stage properties.) — All right, Tommy. 



(In a dramatic tone, ivith appropriate gestures.) Hark, 
the waves — {aside to Mollie). You need n't make thun- 
der just for this. — Hark, the waves are rushing over the 
decks ! xA.ll is darkness and despair ! We are lost ! We 
are lost ! 

Tommy, {"entering" zvith eclat). Oh King, live for- 
ever! 

Mollie. Oh Tommy, you forgot ! You've got your 
Cannibal clothes on ! 

Toniiiiy. My Captain's suit is n't done yet. 

Willie, {to l^ommy). Go on. Commence again. 

Tommy, {retiring and "entering" again). Oh King, 
live forever ! 

Mollie. I don't think a Pirate would say that. — Do 
you, Aunt Maggie? That's what they say in the Bible. 

Willie, {zvheeling). Who wrote this play? 

Mollie. You did. 

Willie. Who is the star? 

Mollie. Oh you, of course. The author is always the 
star. 

Willie, {sternly). Who is stage manager? 

Mollie. {reluctantly). You are. 

Willie, {adjusting his pistols). Then you keep still. 
Go on, Tommy. 

Tommy. I won't enter again, would you ? 

Willie. No, you entered all right. Go on. 

Tommy, {saluting). Oh King, live forever! {Mol- 
lie zuatches all this zmth secret disapproval.) 

Willie, {grasping his hand tvith fervor). Ah ha, 
my brave Captain ! How goes the night ? — It ain't night 
really. Aunt Maggie, but they always say that in Pirate 
plays. 

Miss W. {dubiously). I see. 

Willie. Would you have it in, or would n't you? 

Miss W. Why, if Pirates always say it, I suppose I 
would. 



Mollie. They don't say it in the day time 

Miss W. What do you think, Tommy? 

Tommy, {zvagging his head). I think it sounds fine. 

{Bntcr Delia Benson, dressed as The First Cannibal. 
She earries a large cat.) 

Delia. Is it my turn now? 

Willie, (luith a frantic ivave of his szvord). No! Go 
back and keep still ! 

Delia, {advancing sloivly). How funny Tommy 
looks! — How do you like the play, Aunt Maggie? 

Willie. Go back, Delia ! You're not in the first act ! 

Delia. I came to see Aunt Maggie. I dess I can see 
her if I want to! — I am a Cannibal, Aunt Maggie. This 
is my lion. 

Willie. Make her go back, Aunt Maggie ! 

Miss W. Let her be audience, Billy Ben. — Come sit 
by me, Sweetheart. 

' Delia, {making a "face" at Willie, and sitting down 
by Miss Williams). Cora is a Cannibal, too. She's 
painting her face all wed. 

Willie. Now listen here, Delia Benson. If I let you 
stay in here you've got to be good. — Let's commence 
again, Tommy. — Get further back there, Mollie. 

Delia. My lion only eats people I tell him to. Aunt 
Maggie. 

Willie, {striding zvrathfully up to Delia). Gimme 
that cat! 

Delia, {holding the cat very closely). I won't! He's 
my lion ! 

Willie, {trying to take the cat). Gimme that cat! 

Miss W. {interf erring gently). Oh be careful, Billy 
Ben ! Give me the cat. 

Tommy. Take him out. 

Willie, {struggling). Gimme that cat ! 

Mollie. Let her alone. The cat is n't hurting you, 
Willie Benson ! 

8 



Miss W. (to the struggling Delia). Let me hold the 
cat, Sweetheart. (She gets final possession of the cat.) 

Willie, (picking up his fallen pistols). This is the 
way it goes. Delia always upsets things when we're 
practicing. 

Delia, (sobbing). You said you wished you had 
some lions for the play! (Miss Williams motions Mol- 
lie to take the cat from the room, zvhich the latter does, 
with her head up.) 

Willie. Real lions I said, goosey ! 

Delia. You'd be afraid of real lions ! So there ! 
You're 'fraid of tigers! 

Miss W. Never mind, Billy Ben. Go on with the 
play. (Delia keeps her face hidden.) 

Willie. Oh well, it makes me tired ! Girls are so 
silly. (He takes his "position" on the stage.) Come on, 
Tommy. — Ah ha, my brave Captain ! How goes the 
night ? 

Tommy, (painfully self-conscious). All is lost. We 
must escape for our lives. 

Willie. Is it e'en so? How many men have we left? 

Tommy, (resting on the other foot). Out of your 
five-and-twenty faithful men, but two survived the fight, 
oh King! 

Willie. Don't be so stiff. You look like a smoke- 
stack ! Say that again. 

Tommy, (changing feet nervously, and grimly grip- 
ping the ball bat). Out of your five-and-twenty faithful 
men, but two survived the fight. Oh King! 

Willie. That's better. You must act prouder, (slaps 
his forehead) . This is a blow indeed. How iar are we 
from land ? ' 

Tommy, (acting "prouder"). Such is life on the 
high seas. (There is a pause.) 

Willie. Go on. That aint all you say. 

Tommy. I forget what comes next. 

Willie, (fishing some crumpled sheets of pamper from 

9 



his pocket). Wait. I'll prompt you. (After much 
fumbling, and several false starts, he finds the place, and 
reads) : Such is life on the high seas. We are within 
fifty leagues of a desert island, inhabited by cannibals 
and wild beasts. — Now, go on. (smites his foreheads). 
This is a blow indeed. How far are we from land? 

Tommy. Such is life on the high seas. We are with- 
in fifty leagues of a desert island, inhabited by cannibals 
and wild beasts. 

Willie. It is well. Bid them lower a boat. We will 
repair to that hospital shore. » 

Delia, (intensely interested). What is a "hospital 
shore?" 

Willie. Keep quiet. You make us forget. — It is well. 
Bid them lower a boat. We will repair to that hospital 
shore. Hark ! Hark, the thunder is getting worse ! — 
Where's Mollie? (calls, impatiently). Oh Mollie! 

Delia, (to Aliss Williams). Is a "hospital shore" 
like where they took Papa when he was hurted? 

(Enter Mollie, zi'ith streaks of desperate black on her 
face.) 

Mollie. Do I come on now? 

Willie. No. We want more thunder. (Mollie takes 
up the sajid box.) I'll say that over again. You must 
listen and be here, if you're going to be thunder man. — 
It is well. Bid them lower a boat. We will repair to 
that hospital shore. Hark! (Mollie shakes the sand.) 
Hark, the thunder is getting worse. Bid them make 
haste. (Tommy retires into the background, and Willie 
turns to Mollie.) You must make it awful loud there, — 
there's a storm coming up, you know. (He paces back 
and forth, his arms folded, a heavy frozun -on his broiu.) 
We can but sink. For myself I do not care, but I sor- 
row for these brave men. To be consumed by canni- 
bals — to be consumed by cannibals — (slozvly), to be con- 
sumed by cannibals — er to be — (consults his rustling, 
crumpled manuscript), to be consumed by cannibals, — - 
the very' thought makes the blood run cold. — Now, 
Tommy. 

10 



Tommy, (striding onto the stage, and saluting) . The 
boat is lowered. It will be a rough night. {Mollie 
shakes the thunder box with enthusiasm.) 

Willie. Farewell, my fallen comrades. You did not 
know the name of fear. — No, that don't come in here. — 
Farewell, my fallen comrades ! Ye shall be buried in the 
ship ye loved so well, {takes off his Indian headgear 
reverently). Peace to your ashes! 

Tommy, (doffing his headgear). Peace to your 
ashes ! 

Willie, (smashing on his head-piece). Lead on, my 
brave Captain ! We will follow the Black Flag ! ( They 
retire to the haek ground. Mollie shakes the sand.) 

Willie, (sinking dozvn on a pile of stage properties, 
exhausted). That's the end of the first act. Is it all 
right ? 

Miss W. It's fine, Billy Ben! 

Delia. I frink it is a beautiful play. 

Tommy. That thunder at the last is the storm gath- 
ering in the distance, you know. 

Willie. That was Tommy's idea, to have thunder at 
the last, (rises). The second act opens on the desert 
island. I make the first speech. 

Delia, (climbing dozen from her chair). Oh goodie, 
it's my turn ! 

JVillie. You go outside and wait. I'll tell you when 
to come in. 

Delia, (going). And must Cora come, too? 

Willie. Yes. — Where's Albert? And Ethel? Every- 
body is in this Act. 

Delia, rn tell them! (She runs out.) 

Mollie. (putting the box on the table). We don't 
have any thunder in the second act. 

(Enter Albert Ferrell, in black clothes, zvith minis- 
terial accessories. All told, he presents a most preachery 
effect. Miss Williams nods a zvelcome to him.) 

Willie, (sizing him up). Gee, but you look out of 

11 



sight. — Don't he, Aunt Maggie? He's the Missionary, 
you know. — Where's your Bible? 

Albert. My mother would n't give it to me. She 
says it is n't respectful. 

Willie. Well, I don't know that it's disrespectable. 

(Enter Ethel Tompkins, dressed as a Pirate; a cos- 
tume, like Mollie's, curiously composite, part Pirate, part 
school girl.) 

Miss W. (nodding to her). Well, Ethel. And what 
are you? 

Ethel. I'm the Second Pirate. 

Willie, (looking her over silently, then giving orders 
coldly). You fellows wait back there. (Tommy and 
Albert zvait in the background.) You girls get ready to 
come on the stage. (He readjusts his slipping pistols.) 
Are you ready? Come on. (The three Pirates advance 
onto the stage. Willie looks back.) Don't walk so close 
to me. And walk prouder. And keep your swords 
ready to strike. Let's do that over. Now. (They ad- 
vance again.) Now, I'll commence. (He declaims) : All 
night we have wandered over this desolate isle, seeking 
rest and shelter and have found none. My heart is heavy 
within me, for I fear my faithful men will perish of 
hunger. (gaces moodily afar, then points mith his 
szvord). Only yesterday my good ship rode those waves 
proudly, and now — how are the mighty fallen! (Sighs 
deeply, leaning on his sword.) 

Ethel, (stepping forzvard). Do not be downhearted, 
oh— 

Willie, (angrily). You don't say that yet. I'm medi- 
tating. 

Ethel. Oh. (She steps back. Alollic giggles. Willie 
glares at them, then resumes his meditoting.) 

Willie, (zvith gloomy sighs). Would that I were 
sunk beneath the waves with you, my gallant Captain ! 
Had you been — had you been — been spared, I — er I — 

Mollie. — I would gladly have died for you. 

12- 



Willie. Oh, yes, of course. You people make me for- 
get. — Had you been spared, I would gladly have died 
for you. Alas, and shall I never again clasp you to my 
buzzum! How are the mighty fallen! 

Bthel. Oh, I did n't know you said that twice! 

Willie. Said which twice? 

BtheL "How are the mighty fallen." 

Willie. Yes, I used that twice. They always repeat 
when they are meditating. Now it's your turn. — Alas, 
and shall I never again clasp you to my buzzum? How 
are the mighty fallen ! 

BtheL (advancing). Do not be downhearted, oh 
King! {Mollie advances.) 

Willie, (smiting his remorseful breast). I have 
brought you here, only to die of hunger and thirst, or 
to be eaten alive by howling savages. Unhappy one that 
I am, thus do I requite your bravery ! 

Mollie. Our place is by our King. (In the grandeur 
of her gesture, she drops her tvooden pistol, and recov- 
ers it, giggling.) 

Bthel. (giggling). Our place is by our King! 

Mollie. You have led us to fame and fortune, (gig- 
gles), and we will not desert you now, in misfortune's 
darkest hour. 

Bthel. (solemnly enough, hut shaken by nervous gig- 
gles). Where you go, we wiU go; your people shall be 
our people, and there will we be buried. 

Willie, (sternly). That aint right ! (Mollie giggles 
softly.) 

Bthel. (giggling heroically). Where you go, we will 
go; where you die, we will die, and there will we be 
buried. 

Willie, (in dreadful tone). Giggle, giggle, giggle! 
I'd rather die than be a girl! 

Miss W. (softly). Billy Ben ! Careful! 

Willie, (in a dread fuller tone). Giggle in the morn- 
ing, giggle at night; giggle at school, giggle at church, 

13 



giggle in the street. (Gases at them scornfully.) You're 
the limit. That's what yon are! 

Miss W. Billy Ben ' I thought you were a King ! 

Willie. I am. Show me a King that likes wimmin. 
Show me! {To Ethel, zvith magnificent resignation.) 
Well, say that speech again. 

Bthel. Where you go, we will go; where you die, 
we will die, and there will we be buried. 

Mollie. (falling on her knees). We swear allegiance 
to thee, and thee only. King of the Pirate Wave ! 

Bthel. (falling on her knees). To thee, and thee 
only, King of the Pirate Wave ! 

Willie. Don't kneel so close to me. I got to gesture 
some. (The girls rise, and kneel, further back.) 

Miss W. King of the Pirate zvhat, Billy Ben ? 

Willie. The Pirate Wave. It means that I am king 
of the ocean. — Now (to Bthel), say that again. 

Bthel. To thee, and thee only, oh King of the Pirate 
Wave ! 

Willie. You are honest fellows. (He zveeps.) I 
would not give your manly hearts for all the gold on 
Wall Street. I will protect you with my life. Rise. 
(They rise, stiif, solemn, giggleless.) Let us resume our 
journey. Keep your guns ready. We may meet a band 
of Cannibals at any time. (They solemnly stalk into the 
background.) 

Miss JV. (applauding). I like this act. You have 
some fine Pirates there! 

Willie, (stolidly). Now it's Tommy's turn. We all 
wait here till he says his speech. (They range them- 
selves in the background, and Tommy "takes the stage" 
zvith painful precision.) 

Tommy. How lovely is this beautiful isle ! Behold 
the stately pam trees! There, (zvith a pistol-like ges- 
ture), behold the cocoanut tree! There, behold the bread- 
fruit tree ! And there, behold the banana tree, all made 
for the food of man ! 

14 



Willie. I got all that out of the geography, of course, 
Aunt Maggie. (To Tommy.) Make more gestures. 
That is a strong speech. 

Tommy. (zvitJi galvanic action). A cannibal's life 
is the life for me ! I owe not any man ! The desert is 
mine, and the fullness thereof. (Listens.) Is that a 
lion I hear approaching from ambush? (Lifts his ball 
bat.) No, 'tis but the wind. There are lions and wild 
cats everywhere, but I fear them not. 

(Enter Delia and Cora Tompkins, as Cannibals. They 
range themselves tirith the actors, in the background, zvith 
much stifled giggling.) 

JVillie. (frozvning at the little girls, hut addressing 
Tommy). No, that part about the sea comes next. 

Tommy. I thought that sounded queer, (strikes a 
reflective attitude). It is very lonely here. No sound 
is heard save the roar of the sea and the call of wild 
beasts. On every side of the island is the sea, moaning 
like a lost child, but — 

Albert. What's the use of saying that? Of course 
the sea is all around the island ; that's the reason it's an 
island. 

MoUie. That's what I say. (Tommy looks dubiously 
from one critic to the other.) 

Willie, (loftily). But a cannibal don't know what 
an island is. Do you think cannibals know geography f 

Tommy, (changing feet). Yes, don't you see? A 
cannibal thinks an island is something different. (He 
resumes his speech and action.) It is very lonely here. 
No sound is heard save the roar of the sea and the call 
of wild beasts. On every side of the island is the sea, 
moaning like a lost child, but it is truly beautiful to look 
upon! (listens). Is that a lion I hear approaching from 
ambush? (lifts his ball bat). No, 'tis but the wind. 
There are lions and wild cats everywhere, but I fear 
them not. I have not tasted meat these three days ; my 
men are wild with hunger. 

15 



Cora, (starting forzvard). Now it's our turn, Delia. 
{Bthel detains her.) 

Willie. No, wait. — Delia, get back! {He subdues 
the giggling Cannibals with his severe glance.) 

Tommy. Where was I at? 

Willie, (gazing sternly at the Cannibals). I have 
not tasted meat these three days ; my men are wild with 
hunger. 

Tommy. My men are wild with hunger. Woe betide 
the white man that approaches them before their hunger 
is squenched ! 

(Delia and Cora rush at Tommy zvith giggling haste.) 

Willie. You come back here! (He pulls them back 
with grim violence.) Now don't move until I tell you. 
Do you hear? 

Tommy. I wish you'd let me alone ! How can I 
remember my speech when you're jumping at me all the 
time? (Fie shades his eyes zvith his hand, and gases 
afar.) Yonder I see my men looking for food. Poor 
fellows, they are very hungry. I will call them hither. 
(Calls.) Ahoy! Ahoy! 

(Upon a motion from JVillie, Delia and Cora run 
forward, giggling. ) 

Cora, (grunting and rubbing her stomach). Ugh! 
Me hungry ! Me hungry ! 

Delia, (grunting). Me eatee an Englishman ! Ugh! 
Ugh ! 

Tommy. They are starving. Alas, I have nothing 
for them, wretched King that I am! (The Cannibals 
rub their stomachs, rolling their eyes, groaning and 
giggling.) 

Willie. If you giggle, you can't be in the play. 

Tommy, (contemplating the agonised Cannibals). 
Your King is powerless. (covers his face zvith his 
hands). Must I see my faithful followers die before 
mine eyes? (He zveeps.) 

Bthel. A Cannibal King would n't cry. I don't think. 

16 



Albert. Wring your hands, why don'tyou? _ (Delia 
gets in some first-class groaning during this side dis- 
cussion.) 

Willie. What do you think, Aunt Maggie? Would 
you weep or wring your hands? 

AIiss W. (gravely). Let him turn away his face, if 
he can't stand it. 

Willie. Try that, Tommy. 

Tommx. Your King is powerless. Must I see my 
faithful followers die before mine eyes? (He turns his 
face, as if his neck zuere a pivot.) 

Albert. I like that best. (Willie nods thoughtfully.) 

Tonimv. Only a shipwreck can save us now. We 
have eaten everybody on the island. 

Cora, (touching his arm, and point afar). Ugh! 
Oh see, King ! A man ! 

Tonunv. (looking). There's' a white man on the 
beach!. ."... .He's coming this way! We are saved! 
(The Cannibals dance with glee, brandish their paste- 
board knives.) Get wood! Wood! Afire! (He makes 
the motions of cutting off a head and limbs, and eatmg 
the same.) He's a dead man. Get wood! 

(Cora and Delia bring in some logs and some kindling 
from the property pile in the background. They pile 
them up, under Tommy's sign^ commands.) 

Delia, (grunting). Ugh! Ugh ! Me eatee his head ! 

Willie. Groan louder, and dance around the fire. 
(Delia and Cora groan and circle the ivoodpile, brand- 
ishing their knives betzveen giggles.) 

Tommy, (contemplating this dance). Poor fellows, 
they are almost famished! 

Delia, (turning suddenly). We're going to have ice 
cream when the 'hearsal is over, Aunt Maggie. 

Willie. Be still, Delia ! Go on groaning.— Ethel, get 
further back there.— You next, Albert. 

Albert. Tommy, say your last speech again. (The 
Cannibals continue to groan betzveen zvhiles.) 

17 



Tommy, (looking at the Cannibals and the z^'ood- 
pile). Poor fellows, they are almost famished! (JVillie 
signs for Albert "to take the stage.") 

Albert, (advancing meekly). Oh, my poor lost 
brother, have you thoiig'ht on your sins this day? Have 
you fed the widowless, the orphans and the afflicted? 

Tommy. Whence cometh thou, oh Pale Face? 

Albert. I come from a far country, to teach you how 
to be good. 

Tommy, (lifting his ball bat). Thou sayest well, oh 
Pale Face ! Art prepared to die ? 

Albert, (brushing the bat aside). I forgive you, 
brother. Let us dwell in peace. 

Tommy. Ha, ha ! We will dwell in peace, oh Pale 
Face! (makes as if to smite him zvith the bat). Art 
prepared to die? INIy men are groaning aloud for food 
and will not be satisfied. I will tear you limb from limb ! 
Down upon your knees ! (He forces Albert to his knees. 
Delia and Cora make airy passes at him with their knives, 
alternately groaning and giggling.) Art prepared to 
die? 

Albert, (stretching his hands benignly toward tJiem, 
with saintly calm). Fie, brothers, put up your swords! 
I come from a distant land to teach you to be good. 
Don't you want to be good? 

Tommy, (seizing him by the hair). I am hungry! 
Talk not to me of being good ! We have not tasted meat 
for three days. How can a hungry man be good? (to 
Delia and Cora). Bind his arms. Bind him fast. (The 
Cannibals bind Albert's arms and legs gleefully, with a 
rope hastily handed them by JVillie, taken from the 
"property pile.") 

Albert, (in the process of being tied). I come to 
teach you to be good. Will you not listen to the words 
of wisdom? This is a wicked thing you do. You will 
not go to Pleaven if you kill me. 

Tommy, (trying the famous "bold, bad laugh"). He 
comes to teach us to be good ! Ha ha ha ! 

18 



Delia, (tying knots). Ha ha! 
Cora, (tying knots). Ha ha! 

Albert. I come to teach you to be good. (He stands 
erect, hound, the Cannibals holding tightly to him.) 

Willie. He ought to be standing near the woodpile. 
Move him over. (They move Albert, zvith the grave 
assistance of Mollie and Ethel.) There. Now don't 
anybody move until Tommy makes his speech. (Delia 
tickles Albert's neck zvith the end of the rope.) 

Ethel. I think he ought to weep some. (Delia tickles 
Albert more, to his helpless misery.) 

Willie. No, he is cam. He is not afraid to die. 
Mollie. He ought to act scared, I think. 
Albert, (nearly toppling over). Ouch! You quit 
that ! 

Willie. What's the matter? 

Albert, (squirming painfully). Delia's tickling me. 
(Cora giggles and giggles.) 

Willie. Delia Benson, if you can't behave, you need 
n't be in this play !— Aunt Maggie, make her behave ! 

Miss W. No, she does n't make a very good Canni- 
bal. Is n't there any other little girl you can get to take 
her place? 

Delia, (scared). I won't tickle him any more ! Cross 
my heart ! 

Willie. Well, see that you don't.— Now, Tommy, go 
on with your Cannibal speech. 

Tommy, (clearing his throat, and crossing his arms). 
I — I — how does it commence? 

Ethel, (eagerly). I am a Cannibal King. My name 
is known — 

Tommy, (loftily, facing the group of victim and Can- 
nibals) . " I am a Cannibal King. My name is known to 
the uttermost parts of the island. When I speak, men 
tremble and fall upon their faces. {Willie follows this 
speech zvith intense interest, leaning forward, his hps 
moving as he foUozvs the lines.) When I lift my good 

19 



broad sword, my enemies bite the dust. My fathers 
ruled here before I was born; my grandfathers ate httle 
men like you, on yonder mountain top, and hurled their 
bones into the sea. You say you come here to teach us 
to be good. Who told you to come? Who are you? I 
rule here alone. I, the Cannibal King ! I hurl your cry for 
mercy back into your teeth! (Willie sinks back zvith 
a sigh of satisfactian, zvagging his head.) 

Albert, {quite azved). Oh King, hear me! Hear me! 

Tommy, {zvith a shrug). Throw him into the fire! 
We will eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. 
{They put Albert, protesting feebly, on the zvoodpile, a 
process difficult of execution, and accomplished at last 
only zvith Albert's secret connivance.) 

Willie. Lay on your back. Shut your eyes. {He 
signs Tommy to proceed.) 

Tommy {lifting the ball bat high). It is enough. 
Die the death! {Willie rushes up, zvith the Pirates, 
Mollie and Bthcl, zvhooping Hercely.) 

Willie, {lifting the zvooden szvord). Hold! {After 
a superb pause, he lozvers Jiis szvord, and his tone, and 
turns to his Aunt.) That's all, Aunt Maggie. That 's 
the end of the second act. 

Albert, {sitting up on the zvoodpile). Untie me, 
somebody! {Bthcl and Mollie untie the ropes.) 

Delia, {rnnning to Miss Williams). Were you scared 
when the Pirates yelled, Aunt Maggie? 

Miss JV. (pushing back Delia's hair). It was a pret- 
ty scarey time. 

Albert, (being untied). I tell you what. Tommy, 
that's a dandy speech of yours ! 

Tommy, (taking off his headgear). That's the finest 
speech in the play. {Willie examines the funeral pyre, 
obliz'ious of this praise.) 

Delia, (fanning herself zvith a tiny handkerchief). 
Oh, I'm so hot! I think it's ice cream time. Come on, 
Cora, I'll beat you! (They run out.) 

Aliss W. The Cannibals are still hungry. 

20 



Willie. Come on, we got to get the stage ready for 
the next act. (All hands fall to, removing the pyre to 
the background.) 

Tommy, (carrying a log). We ought to have more 
wood. This is n't enough to roast a man with. 

Willie, (piling kindling) . Mamma won't let us bring 
any more wood into the house. 

Mollie. She says it makes too much dirt. 
(Enter Delia, waving a spoon.) 

Delia. Come on, MoHie, and cut the cake, Mamma 
says. — Ethel, you can help, if you want to. There are 
three kinds of cake. (Mollie and Ethel go out, Delia 
dancing ahead of them.) 

Willie. I don't think we ought to have refreshments 
till the rehearsal is over. (Tommy and Albert occupy 
themselves in the background, zvith the properties and 
the thunder box.) 

Miss W. How many more acts are there? 

Willie, (throiving himself into a chair, flushed zvith 
success). One more. There are always three acts in a 
pirate play. 

Miss W. Oh. What is the rest of the play? 

Willie, (unfolding his crumpled manuscript). The 
Missionary converts the Cannibals to Christianity, and 
they all become Pirates. 

Miss W. So you do really save the poor fellow ? 

Willie. Yes, I save him. The next act opens with the 
Missionary on his bended knees, thanking me for pre- 
serving his life. Then I say, (rises, and takes "posi- 
tion"), Arise, my dear Sir. It is nothing— nothing. Don't 
mention it. Any man would have done the same. A 
Pirate is but a man.— Come on, Albert, and say your 
speech. 

Albert, (shaking the thunder bo.v softly). Which 
speech ? 

Willie, (hinting through the manuscript). _ The 
speech where you convert the Cannibals to Christianity. 

21 



Albert. I don't know it well enough. 

Willie. Aw, come on. You need n't be afraid of my 
aunt. 

Albert, {sheepishly). I aint afraid of your Aunt. I 
don't know that speech, honest. 

Miss W. You can rehearse the Third Act tomorrow 
afternoon. How does the play end? 

Willie. I build a new ship, and we all leave the island 
forever. 

Miss W. The Missionary, too? 

Albert. Yes, I leave because there are no more Can- 
nibals to convert, you know. 

Tommy. But first, he makes a speech about wanting 
to see his wife and children. 

(H liter Delia.) 

Delia, (running up to Miss Williams). The 'fresh- 
nients are ready! Come on! (Aliss Williams rises, hold- 
ing her liand.) — Come on, Tommy and Albert. 

Tommy, (rubbing the pirate black off his face). I'm 
not fit to go to the table. 

Miss jr. You're all right, Tommy. It's a dress re- 
hearsal supper, you know. 

Delia, (pulling her aloiig). There's pink sugar kisses. 
Mamma got them for an exprise. (They go out.) 

JVillie. (taking out his jack knife, and zvhittling the 
edge of his sword). I tell you what, fellows, if this play's 
a success, let's give it at the opera house, and charge 
admission. And have a real ship in the first act. 

Tommy, (polishing his face and hands). How much 
would you charge ? 

Albert. And we'd have to have a real bonfire in the 
cannibal scene. 

Tommy. And real thunder. People won't pay for 
thunder like this. 

lll'Uie. (zvhittling). That thunder's good enough for 
anybody. 

22 



Tommy. Tin thunder beats it all out. 

Albert. Just pounding a spoon on a dishpan makes 
fine thunder. Did you ever try it? 

Willie, (whittling). The thunder we got is good 
enough for me. 

Albert. We'll have to have more pirates and cannibals. 
Willie, (zvhittling) . Well, you bet we won't have 
any more zvimmin. 

(Bnter Delia, eating cake.) 

Delia. Your ice cream's all meltin'. 

Tommy. I'm ashamed to go to the table. 

Delia. Mamma says are you comin'? (She goes.) 

Willie, (to Tommy, polishing desperately). Oh, what 
•do you care? They're only wimmim. (They make hasty 
preparations.) Come on, you fellows. We got to go. 
(They clatter out.) 

CURTAIN. 



23 



OCT 19 19^2 



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